voluminous

[Stylish 20-something woman to overweight pug breathing heavily: Well, Winifred, you're out of breath because you're out of shape. (pause) No, you're not fat. You're voluminous. (pause) Yes, I am aware it's not all your fault. Mummy likes to watch you eat powder doughnuts. (pause) Pugs that look like they have a coke habit are very funny for mummy, yes they are.]

via Overheard in New York

ah well

when life hands you lemons... you push them aside in favor of unlimited brisket at the barbecue cookoff.

shock

apparently it can be dry in houston.  it's been so static-y lately that i realized i unconsciously fist-bump every metal object in the vicinity so i get shocked on my knuckles and not my ever-so-sensitive jack the pumpkin king fingers.

cheap and cheerful

let's talk about how i'm really an eighty-year-old woman: my thrift store extravaganza yesterday was so successful that i cannot help but share it with the internet.  a $200 leather skirt, still with the tags?  $4.  a silk puffy vest in my favorite shade of yellow?  $2.  at buffalo exchange, i even traded half a bag of my old crap for a brand new kenneth cole dress, previously $150.  aside from the smell of mothballs, it was an excellent day.


wow.  i just reread that and i think i'm one bottle of metamucil away from assisted living.


whatever, this way my new clothing desire is satisfied and i can put the rest of my money toward a summer trip to rome.  sono molto pratico, quando ho bisogno di essere.


*while i was shopping in sand dollar, an ad for frank's red hot came on the radio.. apparently their slogan is "i put that sh- on everything"?  while frank's on pizza is my newest food obsession, isn't that a bit...edgy for a station that normally plays delilah?

cryptic

i have a plan.  for my future, i mean.  because i have other, lesser plans too, like finding a way to acquire this vivienne westwood ring because it reminds me of beyonce's bionic hand thingy, and who doesn't want a bionic hand?  (mission accomplished, by the way.  thank you ebay for cheap knockoffs.)

ANYWAY.  this plan of mine is in motion.  so far, so good.   any more detail than that, however, i'm loathe to even put into words because despite my 27 years on this earth, i've never really shaken the childhood fear that talking about something i want automatically makes it Not Happen.  [see also: magical thinking; superstition; complete irrationality]

sigh.  of course all this forward thinking and weighing of options comes just when my sister arrives for her annual visit, when i should be showing her the sights (there are none) and eating massive quantities of mexican food (we have been).  i suppose i can multitask.

around town

  

i've killed all the cacti i ever owned.

[outside the camera exchange]

 

in texas it's one word.

[antique store on westheimer]

  

doin' mah homework.

[agora]

[intro to technical writing at HCC is my latest endeavor.. perpetual student of something or other.]

[[clearly i'm enamored with having a camera, at last.]]

happy australia day

put on your striped pajamas, make a vegemite sandwich, and dance to kylie minogue.

with my favorite polish person.

as of late

• michelle and i have a mutant mouse at work with backwards legs.  we've named him Flipper.  he probably has only one kidney, but he scoots around just fine so we're keeping him 'to see what happens'.
  
• a new tradition has been instituted: the monthly air hockey championship.  now i will admit to my shortcomings in a lot of areas, but in air hockey.. i kick ass.  thankfully sean is a worthy opponent and enjoys playing as much as i do, so every month we go to the Tavern for best out of five, winner gets bragging rights for the entire month.  i was the inaugural champion for december (ha!) but had to relinquish my crown last week.  and regardless of who wins, my prize is always a bruise on my knee the size of a buick, from bashing it into the base of the table every time i make a shot.  (it matches nicely with the scar on the other one from my digger in cambridge.  symmetry is everything.)
• my favorite quote from this US News article on the senate election: "there are two basic unwritten rules in Massachusetts: don't insult Catholics, and don't insult the Red Sox."
• the dinner i had last week at Branch Water Tavern was awesome.  venison with squash, brussel sprouts, and bacon?  yes and please.  sean also brought to my attention that we need to go to Rainbow Lodge, where you can try antelope, ostrich, boar, etcetera.  being a meat-atarian, this will definitely happen soon.
  

applesauce

"Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll take a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never met, never had no problem with, get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', "Oh, send in the Marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number got called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some kid from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And he comes back to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile, he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And, of course, the oil companies used the skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices. A cute little ancillary benefit for them, but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And they're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, of course, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and fuckin' play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So now my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the fuckin' job interviews, which sucks 'cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he's starvin', 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat, the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what did I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. I figure fuck it, while I'm at it why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president."

watched Good Will Hunting the other day for the millionth time. blue state political ideology, in a nutshell.

my fortune cookie was right

friday meeting: gettin a raise!  and a promotion, to senior lab astronaut presumably?


i like the way this year is starting.