fashion police

today's list concerns fashion crimes i've seen perpetrated too often lately. i admit it: i'm certainly not the most stylish person. i wore stirrup pants in middle school; it haunts me to this day. for a long time my basic personal style could be summed up as "not naked". but lately i've tried to go against standard lab attire (jeans and t-shirts); i have a closet full of "nice" clothes that otherwise wouldn't get worn, and the chances of me spilling acid on myself aren't that great either, so why not? that's what the white coat is for (besides keeping me warm). ANYWAY, the following are a few trends that have been driving me crazy.

formal shorts

bah! awful! as much as i love gwen stefani, those are glorified granny panties. (both images from gofugyourself)

onesies

very similar to the above. and not just limited to celebrities, i saw a girl at a bar in midtown wearing one not long ago. didn't we learn our lesson in the 90's with leotards? are we bringing back trends based on clothing we wore as children? if so, i have an idea for some formal footie pajamas. (photo from urban outfitters)

shirts as dresses

clearly too many girls are confused about what constitutes a dress. it's not a problem wearing a short dress over pants, but alone? in times of uncertainty, here's a handy checklist:
1. is it alarmingly easy to sit on the toilet, without moving any fabric?
2. does sitting normally make you feel like something's missing, like a speculum and stirrups?
3. will photos of you performing any action besides standing require the addition of strategically placed colored dots?
if the answer to any of these is 'yes', then ding ding ding! you're wearing a shirt! thanks for playing. (photo from daddylikey)

orange pants
ok, i don't have anything against these per se. i like brightly colored anything, really. but what puzzles me is that i've seen a girl that works down the hall from me wear the same pair of orange pants every day for a week. i'm guessing she's a grad student, and that means she has far more important things to be worrying about than what she wears. but if it were me (in which case i would probably be found in scrubs every day) i might not choose something so.. memorable as orange. it kind of lets everyone know "yep, it's laundry week!"

empire waists
again, i don't mind these so much, it's just that i'm tired of them. on a lot of girls they're flattering. on me, i look a. stumpy and b. young. and we've already established that i appear childlike enough as it is. i have hips; when can those come back?

if you've read this far, you deserve a cookie.

ceci n'est pas une pipe

happy birthday to my oldest friend (and i mean chronologically, not age-wise) juliana b! knowing someone since 3rd grade gives you a lot of opportunities for inside jokes.

we suffered through calculus, riding the bus, and various musical events together. we vandalized the school practice room piano together. if i were back in massachusetts we would celebrate by going to friendly's and ordering the same thing we've been getting for the last ten years. oh man we're old.

today i went to a beginning photography class. now when i post pictures YOU can be the judge of its usefulness! basically i came away with the knowledge that i need a new camera. don't worry, i wore my black turtleneck and beret.

afterwards i wandered around the menil collection. i don't really know much about art, especially when it comes to modern stuff, but i do like looking at things from time to time. (i also like commenting on it mystery science theater-style, like when dave and i went to the legion of honor in san francisco.) saw some picasso, some magritte, and a few other bizarre items. tried out the new picture-taking skillz.

i'm unimpressed. anyway, i'm out for the midnight showing of young frankenstein at river oaks. i've seen it a bunch of times already but never on the big screen. hilarious.

now with pictures

so i take it back. i would rather present at lab meeting every week if i would never have to come home to find this:

that one i saw at dave's? it would be like a snack for this guy here. the picture doesn't really do him justice. (also it's blurry due to terror.)

i know i'm not the first one to see a cockroach. i know it's basically a fact of life in houston. i'll get over it, i promise, and i'll stop writing blogs about it. but there's really no preparing for a bug that's this huge. oh, and can FLY. eff that.

a diagram of my extermination efforts:

it did not work. the other problem is that this week i'm dogsitting, and i'd rather not use any bug sprays that could be dangerous for my little companion. because trust me, i'll be picking up some nuclear warheads.

anyway, this is what he looks like:


basically the child of an ewok and falkor the dragon from the neverending story. with the exception of some passive-aggressive pooping, he's been good. i can't stay mad when all he wants to do is curl up with me on the couch. plus he's blind in one eye and has metal plates in his hips. a little old man dog!

at last

Q: You’re critical of the Beatles. Do you really hate them?
A: I don’t want to say I hate the Beatles. I don’t own any of their records. They ruined rock and roll. They put Motown out of business. So I never bought a new record ever until punk came out. The Beatles led to the Monkees. And it was a little hard hearing Lennon sing about "no possessions" when he was living in the Dakota. I was a yippee. Hippies got on my nerves. We made fun of hippies. I didn’t know it, but I was waiting for punk. And so that’s what I mean about the Beatles. I know they were amazing songwriters and all that, but I liked the Rolling Stones. I would’ve rather been at Altamont than Woodstock.

- movie director John Waters, in Details

finally someone agrees with me. unfortunately it has to be a guy who's famous for his bad taste.

headlines

man arrested with alligator, water moccasin, and stolen hair trimmer in his car
only in texas. and not that far from here either.

inmate found hanged is possibly not a suicide
is life imitating the wire??

riaa sues homeless man
i bet they just wanted his cool fingerless gloves and newspaper blanket.

not news, but i kinda want this.

waterboarding isn't always bad

yesterday, i saw my first cockroach. i was about to leisurely wash some dishes in the kitchen sink at dave's apartment when it appeared. after considering my options (my initial plan was threefold: scream, flail, and run away) i decided to take an enormous wad of paper towels and guide him to his death via the drain.

once he was down there i let the water run for what seemed like a while, but when i turned it off he just crawled right back out like he'd been relaxing in the jacuzzi. so i tried again. mission accomplished. he finally succumbed to his fate and disappeared down the drain so i didn't even have to deal with the remains.

to sum up, yes, i can be a wuss. in other, only slightly less terrifying news, i'm presenting at lab meeting in three days. i think i'd prefer bugs over talking about my work to a roomful of MD/PhD's.

[ed. note: the presence of the cockroach in no way reflects the cleanliness of dave's apartment. he is quite tidy in fact. however i still maintain that only one dish in the sink was mine at the time of the incident.]

no more karaoke bars

one more in a list of reasons why i am boycotting christian's tailgate until further notice:

because FORTY EIGHT HOURS LATER i suddenly find myself humming nickelback. NOT OK.

coming attractions

i haven't really been excited about a new movie in a while, mostly because i haven't been paying attention. (except for maybe Be Kind Rewind, and i didn't even see it.) today i came across a couple that could be interesting.. though probably not enough to propel me to a theater. i'm still getting over the waste of two hours that was I'm Not There.

- The Tracey Fragments, featuring the new miss thing, ellen page from Juno, but more importantly, a soundtrack by broken social scene. even if the movie sucks i'd be happy just to have new music from them. it also has all the other makings of an arty hipster classic: weird splitscreen shots, an unintelligible plot, dramatic yelling. so it may be a renter. sometimes i have a low tolerance for such things.

- Chapter 27. i only watched the trailer for this because the picture made it look like it starred jared leto as the sta-puf marshmallow man. (apparently he gained 60 pounds for the role. i smell an oscar! and chili cheese fries!) turns out he plays the guy who shot john lennon, and he thinks he's writing the next chapter of the catcher in the rye. (27, as it happens.) seeing as i don't really like the beatles OR holden caulfield i think i'll sit this one out and instead watch my so-called life and remember a time before 30 seconds to mars when the world made sense.

in a similar vein, scarlett johansson is releasing an album of tom waits covers. if it's anything like her singing at coachella last year.. do not want.

signs that my neighbor is gay

(not that i have a problem with it. just saying. this is montrose after all.)

- shortly after moving in, he put a bench on the landing between our doors. a bench in a place where i don't think anyone will ever sit. so a decorative bench, if you will.

- around christmas, there appeared a decorative pillow on this bench. please keep in mind that a. both items serve no purpose and b. he is a male.

- he has a potted plant on the back stairs, in a special vase thingy, with a special vase holder thingy.

- he sings. loudly. to broadway showtunes and janet jackson.

what baffles me is that he has a bowl cut. i thought that anyone who exerted the mental energy required to see a decorative bench and think "this would be perfect for the small space in front of my door!" would also have the capacity to recognize an ugly haircut.

smell ya later

nothing really new here, just complaining that this cold won't go away. whenever anyone's around i have my hand up to my face to hide my cro-magnon-like mouth-breathing. and whenever i'm alone i have a kleenex jammed in my nose because i'm tired of constantly wiping it. so why not just keep it there?